Lyrics: All The Good Men

In Weatherspoons on Saturday
I heard a hen night in full complaint
About all the men that they'd ever met
Who they'd allowed to chat them up and clamber into their bed
They seemed surprised to find that this
Had never formed the firm foundation of relationships
They shouted 'Where are all the good men?' but
They were next door doing Top Tens in the real ale pub
The reason that some men act like jerks
Is that behaviour tends to work
If you really want to stop it it'll take one step
Stop rewarding them with sex
That's all you've got to do

I went to the table and I drew them a map
To show them where to go to find the decent chaps
Like record shops and computer fairs
There's load of lovely fellas there going spare
Maths geeks, vinyl freaks, fanboys and goths
Trekkers, twitchers, whovians and spods
Men with interests beside themselves and their jobs
And all they need's a little love and a wash
Supporters clubs, allotments, near traction engines
Touring battlefields and comics conventions
Restoring steam railways, selling fanzines
Taking minutes, driving mini-vans and managing teams

That's where all the good men go
All the good men
That's where all the good men go
All the good men go

I know I shouldn't get upset
Whenever women get together
And say that men are just a bunch of rotten bastards
But we're really bloody not
And they must know that is wrong
The world is full of lovely brothers, friends and partners
But there's a shiftless sect of gits
Who loudly act like wankers which
Is quite impressive if you're easily led
So soft lads do it too
Because it seems to get results
But if it didn't they'd do something else instead
And oh what a wonderful world it would be
If the hoodies started looking up to Tim Berners Lee
Sir Clive Sinclair on the cover of Heat
And the queue for Maplins catalogues running down the street

That's where all the good men go
All the good men
That's where all the good men go
All the good men go