Lyrics: Girlfriend Alarmed

Girlfriend alarmed
By the power of our post-pub conversation
I simply made a remark
Bringing your reproductive system into question
She's says that I went too far
But we were like this before we even had loins to mention
It's just the way we are
We've been behaving this way since we were both eleven

Look at all the other men in the pub
They'll be talking like us
Talking so loud, that you will never hear

That the words we say
Don't necessarily match the reasons we are saying them
You've simply got to translate
It into beer, then to football, into playground and back again
You don't believe me, but hey
Maybe that's the whole point, like it's a gigantic smokescreen
For us to keep saying the same,
Without an outsider understanding deeper meanings

Look at all the other men in the pub
They'll be talking like us
Telling the stories we've told ten times before

But none of us mind
It's the way you tell it, not how up to date it is
And anyway over time
The stories change and evolve beyond the means of the journalist
Like cave men out for the night
We like to sit by the fire and tell the tales of our tribe and it's
True, listen in and you'll find
You'll be joining in next time when it gets to the good bit

Look at all the other men in the pub
They'll be talking like us
Talking like us, 'cos when you think about it

Men have been this way since the start of time
When hunting mammoth there's no time for affection
We've learnt a language rooted deep in violence
So softer feelings creep in in disguise without detection
It's not just girls we tease to tell them that we like them
Some of my best friends - I've had to fight them
I've got the scars to show how much some of my closer friends like me

So there you go
I wouldn't worry about me calling Neil an idiot
He already knows
I didn't mean it when I said he was feckless and ignorant
You can ask him yourself
But first I'll ring him to tell him it's OK to unmask me
Oh yeah - he'd better, or else
I'll be in trouble like all my forefathers before me

Look at all the other men in the world
They'll be talking like us
To their girlfriends,
Girlfriend alarmed